Fic: Hello, Operator
May. 1st, 2008 02:54 amCharacters: Sam/Dean
Author:
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Word Count: 619
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made.
Notes: It might not look it, but every word, punctuation, and indent actually serves a purpose in this (the formatting took longer than the actual writing, I swear :P). Tip #1: Remember the Miss Susie rhyme? This works kinda like that, the lines hooking onto each other to make one big tapestry. Tip #2: Read it aloud and take your time. Might have to read it a couple times. If you guys can actually stay with me on this, I'll love you forever :D More notes at the end. Feedback = ♥.
Summary: Miss Susie (and her steamboat) approves of Wincest.
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Evening.
Some day, the weekend.
Sam and Dean sit on Missouri’s porch, drinking lemonade.
It’s hot outside—Sam takes a long drink as Dean watches, sips at his own, until
Morning,
Another day, another state.
Bright knots of tight muscle that Dean rubs at, incessant. Waves Sam off but this
Samuel, he’s persistent. Kneads it out when his brother’s too tired
(to argue) and battles the
Coiled sinews beneath his hands. Sam understands,
the language they speak—this contraction here, when Dean fired too soon,
or this snarl there, when Sam left after noon
(for coffee)
Two sugars in Dean’s with a little cream
and cinnamon. Licks his lips again,
Speckled dots of spice to entice
(Sam) while outside, the passersby multiply
Into rush hour crowds
Sam avows
to stay
In
Dean’s hands
is a little, grey kitty
Scars and stripes, antiquity
In the blues of its eyes.
Dean speaks of demise, when he holds the kit near
and Sam finally agrees
to keep
under wraps
the thoughts
in his head.
In their stead,
the TRUTH of it is—they’re brothers
(not lovers.)
Sam knows dearly
this tyranny.
Dad deals it to Dean, he says it’s for Sam,
But John never knew (the extent of Sam’s DESTINY)
how inclusive of
Dean,
Sam whispers
deep into the night.
Dean
(comes into Sam’s bed
on little cats feet)
Brandishing broken bones, and with it goes the troves of Sam’s (awkward)
Limbs in repose.
The color of rose collects in between the
crevices of
Dean’s fingers, that linger,
in the space of
Sam’s stomach in
Sam’s throat.
Sam’s guilt from
Mom’s quilt that she made, back in ’78—for lovers
(not brothers.)
Dean deals it again, he says it’s for John,
But Sam never knew (the extent of Dean’s NORMALCY) ‘cause
it sounds like bullshit to him, sounds like
Bullshit to him,
you bullshit to Dean.
(Touch Sam, you touch Dean.)
Sam touches himself, wants to
Touch Dean,
and you won’t live to see the
Day,
Some town, yet another state.
A werewolf who won’t know any other fate
Silver through throat, the blade serrate—it’s
GORY, you see, it’s ALL OVER the place
Sam knows that the Blood
will NEVER ABATE and Dean?
His brother, Dean?
(Just touch me, Sam)
Dean, his brother Dean.
His
(brother)
Dean.
(Like that, Dean?)
His brother-in-arms,
Soldiered in the sense of the harms they both shoulder-
to-shoulder, sleeping ‘till late
Afternoon,
Name your City and State.
Here’s your platoon, now eat up your steak.
Dean says to him, avoiding Sam’s gaze
On his skin, at the base of his neck,
is a hickey.
Red.
Bred to be seen, two inches above collar because Sam,
Sam’s always been a possessive little fucker.
Dean’s always been an
Evasive
(Fucker, Sam cries)
Everything dies
They see everything die, behind barrels of guns, sometimes
Under the sun,
they lay out a blanket.
And Sam sleeps
Dreams
Of a different plane where
Dean sings a different refrain, and it
sounds like brothers
(and lovers.)
Sam doesn’t wake.
“Sam!”
doesn't wake.
(Play the tape: A pause. A promise. A pact.
Aren’t we all PLEASED at the fact?)
That Sam, he wakes,
His Dean, he shakes
(shook hands
for his soul.)
Sun down,
Sam shivering from cold
So. He starts a fire.
(Hell, he is the fire)
Dean’s just the light and so
Sam’s gonna fight
(and win.)
--draw the curtain--
Behind them
they leave the mileage of Gods
Criss-crossing through highways (and those below and above)
In the car
Sam looks askance
and Dean looks back
(and smiles).
In Awhile…
It’s evening.
One far-off day, some inevitable place.
Sam and Dean sit on their porch, drinking lemonade.
It’s warm outside.
.
.
.
-----
A/N (cont.): You made it to the end! *hands you a bouquet*
The goal of this story was to physically control the way it reads, done through extremely anal-retentive, strict shackles of words. It looks pretentious with all its odd spacing, parenthesis, and italics, but they're all there to try and shove the reader into this narrow box (car) that keeps going, like its on rails. I did this to try and evoke, through words, the atmosphere of nomadism (the rhythmic pace) and inevitability (the way the whole thing strings together) in Sam and Dean's lives. I want this piece read aloud, I want the reader to hear his/her voice ebb and flow, like highway scenery, start to finish.
Of course, I also don't want this story to sound as pretentious as it is, so let's just dub this as PRETTY-SOUNDING!POEM and leave it at that, yeah? xoxo
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Date: 2008-05-01 11:14 pm (UTC)God. I'm going to read this over and over again until I memorize it, and whisper it to myself when I go to sleep.
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Date: 2008-05-02 04:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-05-02 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 12:57 pm (UTC):)
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Date: 2008-05-02 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-03 02:16 am (UTC)Lynsey
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Date: 2008-05-03 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-03 04:14 am (UTC)Meming this!
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Date: 2008-05-03 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-03 06:11 am (UTC)*I see what you did there with the hell and the fire and the Sam. Nicely done.
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Date: 2008-05-04 02:51 am (UTC)THANK YOU for saying so! That was the point of this whole writing exercise and to know that it succeeded, for even just a few people, totally makes my day.
*hearts you*
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Date: 2008-05-03 04:26 pm (UTC)Supernatural AND poetry: 2 of my most facortie things in the world.
All right, first: the rhythmic pace and musicality of the whole thing was awesome. Tapestry is the right word for this, we see the "Wincest" (I only hope it becomes Canon), the anguish, etc, etc, but take one line out, and the whole thing becomes confusing--which is a good thing.
Also, I like how you used the format to force the reader to hover on the lines, to stay on the words and process them at a slower pace.
AWESOME AWESOME JOB. Memoried, yes.
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Date: 2008-05-04 02:50 am (UTC)That's EXACTLY what I was doing with the formatting :D Just trying to get people to pause when I wanted them to think a little bit harder on the words. I feel like, like a dominatrix or something, with a literary whip. Lol.
Thanks for stopping by! I'm so glad you liked it :D
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Date: 2008-05-03 11:17 pm (UTC)There's so much I love! The imagery, the way the sentences flow into each other, so even though they're two separate thoughts they're also one. I loved the whole section that starts with "The color of rose," and I love that you managed to capture actual characterizations of all three Winchesters, which I think is very impressive with this style. There was so much that I could feel -- there was a heat to this that was gorgeous. With fics in this type of style, the tone is usually very cold, and very flat (with beautiful words) but this...pulses with life and heat, and is still beautiful.
It'd be really cool to see a sort of commentary for this, if you'd be interested in doing one. Not because it's not clear (it really is!) but because it's obvious you put a lot of time into making your stylistic choices, and it'd be interesting to see that.
Hah, okay now that I've left you with this very rambly comment: I love this, I love your writing, and you really...achieved something with this.
♥
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Date: 2008-05-04 02:48 am (UTC)I am usually skeptical of this format
I know people are, and I am too, which is why I'm extra happy you indulged me on this XD
"The color of rose,"
Thanks for pointing out which section you liked! I'm so curious as to peoples specific reactions to the words, but I think you're the first to actually tell me which lines worked for you.
pulses with life and heat,
Oh good, I was totally trying to convey that through the structure of the poem, making it rhythmic to simulate life and how it flows.
It'd be really cool to see a sort of commentary for this,
I'd LOVE to do one, but honestly, I don't foresee anybody bothering to read it and while I might do a lot of writing for myself (like this fic, haha), I don't really want to pour my heart and soul into an analytic commentary, opening up all these issues for meta discussion, and have hardly anyone come play with me. It's like shouting into the void, you know D:
Thank you sooo much for your feedback *hearts you madly*
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Date: 2008-05-04 01:51 am (UTC)So, that was pretty much amazing. I love the format, and how it just flows.
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Date: 2008-05-08 03:35 pm (UTC)That was so cool. I'm definitely glad I read it aloud (even if I felt a little stupid for the first line or two). Not sure what exactly I was expecting, given all the build-up about pretentiousness and poetry, but it was really...exceeding expectations.
I'm gonna stop now before I completely wreck my credibility.
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Date: 2008-05-09 03:00 am (UTC)YAY that's exactly what I wanted peoples reactions to be. It didn't have to be like, earth-shattering or anything but I just wanted readers to come play around in my sandbox and maybe have some fun with the literary experimentation :D Thank you so much for reading!!
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Date: 2008-05-08 03:42 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-05-08 08:18 pm (UTC)I read it (silently) this morning and was quite intrigued. I left it opened and came back to read it out loud just now. it's thrilling, staggering even. And I am sure every time I'll read it again I'll discover a new favorite line. awesome work :)
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Date: 2008-05-09 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-09 07:34 am (UTC)*memmed*
(this should def be podcast btw)
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Date: 2008-05-10 04:45 am (UTC)I don't even know what a podcast is, exactly D: I'm so behind the times, lol.
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Date: 2008-05-09 08:25 am (UTC)*applauds*
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Date: 2008-05-10 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-10-03 11:48 pm (UTC)Very intriguing story, both in form and in content. Nicely done!
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Date: 2008-10-08 09:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 01:52 pm (UTC)I read it aloud, and it's dramatic and beautiful and just flows!
I'm printing it off to carry with me so I can read it until I memorize it!
Thank you so much for creating this and sharing it!
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Date: 2008-10-08 09:38 am (UTC)here via spnroundtable
Date: 2008-10-05 12:06 am (UTC)Re: here via spnroundtable
Date: 2008-10-08 09:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-09 02:25 am (UTC)I have NEVER seen anything like this and I LOVE it so much!!
It's...it's...I have NO WORDS. Reading it aloud felt just like those old rhymes we all knew as children...the way it ebbs and flows into and over and around itself. The way the words don't feel that they were written, but rather that they simply exist of their own volition. I am in awe.
I want to print this out and tack it up where I can see it everyday. I want to copy it over and over into a notebook; it's so AMAZING!
♥ ♥ ♥
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Date: 2009-02-20 05:23 am (UTC)*is glad she asked that question*
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Date: 2009-03-02 01:46 am (UTC)