Drabbles: Conversations to No One (you) - Act III.

[aeroport_art]

Title: Conversations to No One (you) - Act III.
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Author: aeroport_art
Rating: R
Warnings: Pilot spoilers
Word Count: 615
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made, go 'way.
Notes: Frightfully un-betaed and stream-of-consciousness. Did a bit of shifting (brought up a drabble from Act II) but I like the narrative better now. I really really enjoyed writing this fic and wouldn't be surprised if I did something similar to this in the future :D Whee! Feedback = luff, gurls.

Summary: Sam, the little crazy, talks to Dean in his head. Takes place during the Stanford years, in drabble format.

Act I.
Act II.




I open the fridge. There’s pudding.

(a beat.)

Did you ever think we could have worked?
You once fed me vanilla, glopped on a spork and I missed, your tongue on my nose

Because I thought we could have worked.
And Dad walked in on your hand on my cheek and you turned it into a black eye that didn’t leave for twelve days.

We could have worked.
When I begged you that month you rolled over and took it up the ass, and you came for me Dean, you came all over my hand
(And then you didn’t touch me for another four months.)

I never liked vanilla anyway.

-----

If you could, you would. That’s what you always said.

If I could, I would, Sammy.
As if I could’ve replied with your dick in my mouth. But this is what I would’ve said:

Then do it, you asshole.

-----

I left that day you stood in the kitchen with a milk mustache you hadn’t yet wiped off
“Dean, you got a little something there” (ohgod say something Dean say something ANYTHING)

You wiped it off and turned around.

I missed the first bus but by nightfall I was light years
away from
you

A grown man crying on public transportation (sobbing and snotting) is
Not a pretty sight.

-----

Just when you think you’re okay.

It hits you from nowhere. It hits you like a sucker punch forty-six trains on a monorail and it’s heading for your soul and when you can breathe again, it’s from the puncture wounds in your lungs.

You never did say you were a sweet lover, but the press of your hands (my name in your throat) I had hoped.

-----

Sam and Dean are waiting in the car.
          Sam’s hand is on
                        Dean’s leg jumps and
                                    Sam whispers
                                                 Dean.

I should be taking notes.

-----

The history, Dean, think of all the history.
Think of all we had, Dean!
My first bite Dean, your first stitching
Our dinners alone in the room
You started our prank wars (you little whore!) but you know this isn’t what I mean—

(Our fucks Dean
My first rimming is stained with your spit.
You swallowed my come Dean, you drank like you’d die Dean, and)

Nothing? Really, everything (me) Dean, and still nothing?

-----

These are the delineations. (I’m in stats. So take a crack.)

Adam wanted me.
I wanted Adam.

Jess needs me.
I need (require? call for?) Jess.

You (said) you loved me.
I (think) I still love you.

Oh, shit. Shit.

-----

I went out and bought a ring today. For Jess.
(ice bites on your knuckles and your hands on my hips, you imprinted me with your metal-laced grips and I inked them in with ballpoint pen just to know,
just to prove that you touched me)

Her hands are tiny. It can’t even go on my pinky. And you Dean, your blunt calloused fingers, the ring that I bought wouldn’t fit you.

It just wouldn’t fit you.

-----

It’s been a long winter, a cold long winter and
Even the fog gets it’s turn.
In little old Pali of this part of Cali the light’s peeked it’s face through the school.

I’m biking to class. It’s sprinkling sun.

I remember you Dean, I remember your face. Years ago, how you drank up the rays.
Eyes turned upwards and a smile so golden that it made me want to kick you.
(I don’t think Dad would have approved of a brotherly kiss and a grope)

I’m biking to class and I see kids in the sun, and I wonder if you’re warm in it too.

-----

Three years six months
Four days and eight hours, and
the time it took to take my morning piss
(Three look-a-likes six breakdowns four wounds eight thousand curses, and the time it took to pretend)

You came back.

You came back, Dean. Dean.




Fin.

Comments

[je-suis.livejournal.com]

This is so freaking amazing. Seriously. I will try not to flail and mutter "poetry" again, but really? It just is. It's beautiful and the imagery is so raw and perfect and damn, this is just freaking amazing. ♥

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Yippee! Thanks for following it (through oh, all of one weekend. Lol.)!! *hearts*

[thelonejuliet.livejournal.com]

Oh boy. I love this. Like stupid. Seriously.

:D

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

*__* Thanks hon!

[tabaqui]

You never did say you were a sweet lover, but the press of your hands (my name in your throat) I had hoped.

-----

Sam and Dean are waiting in the car.
Sam’s hand is on
Dean’s leg jumps and
Sam whispers
Dean.

I should be taking notes.

Oh, yeah. Lovely, lovely stuff.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Why thank you :D

[callmerayray.livejournal.com]

And you Dean, your blunt calloused fingers, the ring that I bought wouldn’t fit you. It just wouldn’t fit you.

*gapes* I love it. You're utterly brilliant, did yu know that? This whole thing is perfect. I mean, everything just... fits. So Sam and Dean, and SamandDean. God, and the last line... can I gape at you for a little while?

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee, feel free to gape to your heart's content :D I was really proud of this fic, and I'm glad other people like it too. *wiggles happily*

[ifyouweremine.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow--wow. What a shockingly gorgeous way to tell a story!

So intense, so immediate. Poetic. I like that.

I like the way you tell us things without having to tell them; you don't have to spell stuff out for us, and you don't.

I like how lean and hard your lines are.

I like that Sam can't get Dean out of his head.

Terrific work.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

I like how lean and hard your lines are.
You make it sound so smexy :D

Thanks for pointing out which parts you liked, and thanks for reading too! *kisses*

[ifyouweremine.livejournal.com]

Haha, text!sex: for people who reallyreally like words. A lot. #giggles#

And thank you for giving us such a lovely piece to read!

[ant-power.livejournal.com]

There are seriously no words to tell you how much I love this. I want you to keep writing it forever and ever so that I never have to stop reading it! It was the perfect ending though.

I really hope you do decide to write more stuff like this, you do it so well. I'd love to read Sam's thoughts throughout the series or maybe something from Dean's perspective.

I want to say more about how much I love this, but really I'd just be blabbering, so I'll spare you :P

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you m'dear! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, because I definitely enjoyed writing it. Good news for you right? I write stream-of-consciousness stuff pretty often so keep an eye out :)

[ant-power.livejournal.com]

I really did, I loved it a lot.

I'm so glad to hear you're writing more! If it's okay, I might friend you, because I love your writing, and really a girl can't have too many Supernatural folk on their flist, can they!

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Be my guest :D Hope to see you around then :3

[taniapretender.livejournal.com]

Oh My GoD.


Gahgnfkajfala.

No, really, honey, I DO mean it.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Lol, you silly XD But thanks, it means a lot to me to know that I can make people incoherent! *luffs*

[eremir.livejournal.com]

That's beautiful. Love the last paragraph. Dean.

*sigh*

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

I was angsting over it so much since it Had to be powerful, so I'm glad the ending did it for you :D Thanks for reading!

[nixwilliams.livejournal.com]

oh, it's gorgeous and painful!

I see kids in the sun, and I wonder if you’re warm in it too.

that's a beautiful, wistful image... i remember being far away from people i loved and wondering if the same wind would touch us both, or how much the clouds would change between here and there.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean, it's something people experience a lot I think :O It's always nice to read something relate-able, and I'm really happy this fic did it for you! Thanks for reading babe!

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

I love the little snippets of bittersweet memories in here:
(ice bites on your knuckles and your hands on my hips, you imprinted me with your metal-laced grips and I inked them in with ballpoint pen just to know,
just to prove that you touched me)
That one, oh-- the ache in it. The needing to know that it happened, that he mattered that much.

the ring that I bought wouldn’t fit you.
It just wouldn’t fit you.
There's so much sorrow there, especially linked in with the first one in this set. So much resignation to what Sam can have instead of what he wants. :(

I really liked these. I actually like the broken thoughts a great deal-- so much like how people actually think, and the pairing of what Sam is trying to think and all the Dean that keeps creeping in just works SO well.

Lovely.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Sam seems like a neurotic kind of guy at times, I wouldn't put it past him to draw on himself. Especially when its marks Dean's put on him. *grins*

Thanks for reading this over for me babe! I adore your comments, they're always super insightful and make me all goopy inside. Tee hee.

[fpvs.livejournal.com]

You seem to love honesty (based on replies you've left for feedback on your other fics), so I'll tell you. I preferred the first two Acts more. The change in style... Wasn't as great. Still REALLY REALLY good, though. With great bits. :)

My favourite part, I never liked vanilla anyway.
Of course Sam liked Vanilla. He craved Vanilla. It just wasn't right for him. And would never have been right for Dean.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

I do like concrit. Thanks for saying so!

[plutogirl10.livejournal.com]

okay. *deep breath* I am so freaking glad that you did that meme thing, cause otherwise I would have totally missed this and this? Is BEYOND amazing. I never like reading in this person (what is it? first, second, third? I failed english in school) but this is just . . . *flappy hands*

i could never write like this. NEVER.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Hi! *waves*

Aww thanks, that means a lot coming from you *__* Unfortunately, I can never write like this either. I tried sooo hard to do a Dean POV sequel a week or two ago and god, the words just wouldn't come. *cries* I love writing stream-of-consciousness though, so it'll happen again, if not so experimenty like this one. I hope ;_;

[plutogirl10.livejournal.com]

It's just so clever. I couldn't ever write so cleverly or refined - my sentences are simple and too plain, I feel. *is envious*

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

DUDE you have nothing to be envious about!!!! *splutters* Your words are just as magical. Everything you write is so vivid and pretty. You don't need pretentious italics and parentheticals to make your fic poetic *___*

[plutogirl10.livejournal.com]

psht. ♥

[tabularassa.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just wow. Now that I've watched the show and understand everything, just wow. lol

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

:D I'm glad you're enjoying this! And nothing wrong with going straight to porn, hhahaha.

[mooncharm.livejournal.com]

wow. i'm just-- wow. in awe i spose. all three acts were gorgeous beyond reason, and i never read stuff like this, really i don't, but i'm so glad i stumbled upon this. just beautiful. ♥.

[anakin415.livejournal.com]

this broke me so hard outstanding drabbles all rough and ragged. so much love.

[syd15.livejournal.com]

So, okay, I kinda think that I'm in love with you. Really, you're an amazing writer!

You have me hook to your fics.