Drabbles: Conversations to No One (you) - Act I.

[aeroport_art]

Title: Conversations to No One (you) - Act I.
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Author: aeroport_art
Rating: R
Warnings: Pilot spoilers
Word Count: 575
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made, go 'way.
Notes: Frightfully un-betaed and stream-of-consciousness. I was listening to Chk Chk Chk while writing so if some of it sounds familiar *cough*scheissemerde*cough*, you know why.

Summary: Sam, the little crazy, talks to Dean in his head. Takes place during the Stanford years, in drabble format.




In hallways and shadows, by the doors and floors there’s water
There’s black water and it looks like blood
There’s reflections of my face but it doesn’t look like me,
It looks like you which is
Ridiculous because nobody could ever tell, nobody ever said
“You two look so alike”

This didn’t please you, Dean. You were scared that our different faces different places somehow
Allowed us to (fuck)

Yeah, I said it.

-----

I met a girl, Dean. She’s spun fairy floss and soft in all the right spots, I never did get over (the way you felt under my hands)
Foreign, alien landscapes of scars and scores of hurt that
Never found their way into her light.

I met a girl, she’s a perfect girl for the perfect boy. We’ll graduate from our perfect school to have the perfect babies with button-noses and butter skin, the perfect life—

You know me better than that.

I met a girl, Dean, and it’s all wrong.

-----

You think I like to think about you, Dean? You think I like to scrawl your name in the margins of my Lit notes you think I like to imagine your mouth around this
(eight months twelve days ago you chewed this eraser, the indents of your teeth)

You think I like to scratch out pencil for fear of losing your saliva?

You think, Dean, you think?

-----

Ring
Shit— shit, shit shit
Scheissescheissescheisse
Merde, merde


Think of all the ways I can say fuck you, Dean.

One: you call and call and call and this is where I smile in glee and say fuck you.
Two: you call and this is where my voice breaks and I say fuck you.
Three: you don’t call, you don’t call anymore and I say fuck you, Dean.

Fuck you, Dean.

-----


It’s Valentine’s Day. It’s brisk in Palo Alto; you’d be disappointed, California isn’t all beaches n’ babes
I woke at six AM to the burbles of suburban burb and it’s all a lark, Dean
There is no sun in California, not today.

I received a Rose Gram during class.
I thought of all the ways this could be you
You snuck in, Dean! You swooped down in all your costumed glory (leather, Dean, the way you smelled in leather!) and you didn’t take shit from the committee.
You told them
“Nothing but the best for my Sammy”

I opened the card and two rows away Jess looked at me and smiled.

I smiled back.
(you would’ve known the difference)

-----


You once said to me I love you so much Sam, my Sammy and I said I love you too Dean

You were drunk off your ass and throwing up through lunch the next day but

Don’t think I forgot.
I never forget, you asshole.

-----


Never forget the way you sculpted me, hands like God as I
Spun and spun in place
You touched me, Dean you tipped your finger in my clay and carved a neck, a lip, a groove
You touched me and made the way I
Wake in bed,
Work a needle,
Weasle a wheedle

You made the way I
Burn my knees (the taste of come)
Kiss a mouth (on my tongue)

You made the way I hate to want to love to want to fuck you six ways to heaven
and back, and that was your mistake.


Act II.

Comments

[callmerayray.livejournal.com]

I... holy fuck. That is... sheer brilliance. Beautifully, amazingly wonderful. So emotionally raw and utterly unique. I love the style. The conscious/sub-conscious though process and the completely painful truth. You... are a genius. I'm... yeah. Just... yeah. o.0

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Aww thanks, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! *blushies*

[taniapretender.livejournal.com]

OMG.

This is SO perfect.

I don't even know what to say, this is fucking poetry, this is too beautiful. too pretty for my own good.

Really, girl. WOW.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

You sure know how to make a girl blush! Thanks for reading :3

[merihn.livejournal.com]

Um... firstly, wow.
Really, that was really awesome... I love the almost conversational style... the broken thoughts.
That really worked.
♥

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Yay, it's always good to get confirmation that an unusual narrative works. Goody :3

[ant-power.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. I love this so much! I really like the flow of it and I'm such a sucker for parentheses at the best of times (because I'm a nerd) and really there's just not a word out of place here.

I want to quote the bits I love back at you, but I honestly love every single word. And this is you unbetaed</>? *brain boggles*

I know I sound like a bit of a raving fool, but honestly, this is maybe the best thing I have ever read. I have reread it about five times while writing this and I am loving it more each time.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you so much, it means a lot! And yeah it's unbetaed :O It would seem kind of weird to beta stuff that follows no grammar or plot. Lol.

[alchemyonfire.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely speechless. I honestly have no words for how much I loved this and it's definitely going in my mems so I can read it and die all over again.
I...It...Wow. Just wow. The style is amazing and I love the raw pain and hurt and love that's there. Good lord, woman. That was fantastic.
This? Twelve kinds of awesome. ♥
I said a lot for not having any words, huh? :)

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

I got mem-ed? *glee* Thanks for reading hon! There's probably more where that's coming from too. It just depends on when my head likes to fart stuff out :O We'll see. Lol.

[blazeorfade.livejournal.com]

This is amazing. Just incredible. I have to go back for a re-read and then save to my memories. Really beautiful and poetic.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

I got mem-ed! *does happy dance*

Thanks for reading hon : )

[je-suis.livejournal.com]

God. This is pure poetry. I love the stream of consciousness feel of it, the way it flows...just...wow. Wow.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Awww, thanks! I'm glad you liked :3

[from-the-corner.livejournal.com]

I don't think I have proper words.
This is simply awesome.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you dearie!

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Yey! Thanks for reading :3

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

I liked this very much, Li-- such an original idea, in such an original form.

I never did get over (the way you felt under my hands)
Foreign, alien landscapes of scars and scores of hurt that
Never found their way into her light.
I love that it's Dean's imperfections that haunt Sam, in the face of all the ways that Jess will never be that broken.

I received a Rose Gram during class.
I thought of all the ways this could be you
Ow!

I opened the card and two rows away Jess looked at me and smiled.
I smiled back.
(you would’ve known the difference)
Bigger ow, but just perfect.

You were drunk off your ass and throwing up through lunch the next day but
Don’t think I forgot.
I never forget, you asshole.
God, how could he ever?

Really stunning, and so full of feeling.

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

*glows* Thanks so much for reading Karen! You always manage to unearth aspects of characerization I hadn't even thought of while writing. In this case, I love that it's Dean's imperfections that haunt Sam. But what you say makes total sense; I wanted to get across that Dean's immediate, he's Real to Sam whereas Jess is perfect... for somebody else. And being a real means being flawed :O

[fpvs.livejournal.com]

Ok... That so wrong. No-one, but NO ONE should have the talent you have for writing... ARGH! There have been other writers who write PWP like there's nothing else worth reading, but your words just SING to me... SERIOUSLY! GAH! lol

I finally decided to put pen to paper and write my own fic. For two types of writers. For those writers that inspire me and change how I view the show and the fandom. And those who're so crap, who don't have Beta's... Who need to learn to write. And you? You're so far in the former catagory, I don't know why I should bother!

*hugglesquishes*

(In case you need it spelt out - I loved this)

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Lol, shucks girl, you're making me blush.

[tabularassa.livejournal.com]

This is really beautiful. Honestly. Shame on me for always going for the straight porn and missing out on something like this.

[anakin415.livejournal.com]

oh Sammy... how painful and raw... these are outstanding

[embee123.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was so good that:

1. I'm actually kinda speechless. And believe me, that's RARE 'cause I usually leave tediously long and bothersome comments on fics I love.

2. I MUST FRIEND YOU so I can read everything you wrote from now on.

But I gotta comment on this:
You think I like to scratch out pencil for fear of losing your saliva?

That right there? You really captured the depth and intensity of his longing with that one line. I completely understand the desperation and helplessness you feel when you love someone so much but they're just not there anymore and you're pining after shadows and echoes and grasping at straws, and clearly you do, too.. and.. so does Sammy! AH!

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Oh wow hon, your comments are CRAZY sweet. I think that's a tear in my eye ;_;

I'm really really happy this fic works for you.

:(

[antarshakes.livejournal.com]

God I love this. It's almost making me cry.

Re: :(

[aeroport_art.livejournal.com]

Oh noooo don't cry! There's a happy ending!!